Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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