fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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