I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
