I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
