So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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