One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
