you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
And then my night got REAL pukey
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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