I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
