I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
