As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
