What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
