I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize