At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
