I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
