there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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