Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
