I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
