I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize