Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
