??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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