Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
