Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
