Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
