Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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