I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
