I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
