The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
