Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
