She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
jump out the window naked night went bad
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
