I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
