And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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