just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
