i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
