I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
