whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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