I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
