So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I'm really busy with my period
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