just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
