i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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