I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
