The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
