She just used a chaser for red wine.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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