Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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