dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
