I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
