im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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