Did you just see the Batmobile???
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
