i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
