I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize