I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
