You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
