don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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