just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
