Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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