You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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