True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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