Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
