I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
