Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
