If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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