Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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