I seem to have left my pride at pride
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize