I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
As shirtless as possible
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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