Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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