she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
