All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize