May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
