I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
