She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
