Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
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