How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Randomize
