I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
