dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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