Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
that may or may not have been my penis.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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