This dress was meant to end up on your floor
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
