I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize