i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
