Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
