All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
