I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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