you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
