dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
