you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
