coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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