you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
