this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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