are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize