im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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