My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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