what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
