..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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