those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
