dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
