I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
operation have a gay friend backfired
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
