i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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