After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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