it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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