How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
