If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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