Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
