I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
