If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
