Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
