I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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