hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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