I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
